Orange Sherbet and Jessica Rabbit

by Diane Brady

"You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do," Jessica said to the Toon Town grocery store clerk, a short, dark-haired man who eyed her carefully while she dug through her purse looking for change, the scene familiar since she had already bought four pints of orange sherbet earlier that week; Jessica Rabbit never told anyone about her discovery, except, of course, her honey bunny husband, Roger, who supported any crazy beauty routine necessary to maintain her voluptuous figure, porcelain complexion and flaming red hair; the sherbet, when softened to a gooey substance, was the most remarkable secret ever found, for by slathering it on her face, combing it through her hair and eating just one teaspoon a day she could always be the most ravishing Toon in town. On the evening of July 18th, while preparing for the annual Toon Town Ball, the orange sherbet thawing to just the right consistency on her vanity, Jessica heard the horrible sound of metal-on-metal, of two vehicles crashing in front of her house, so she tightened the belt around her silk robe and ran outside, where she stayed for at least 15 minutes talking with neighbors until the ambulance arrived; although emotionally shaken, she went back inside to her beauty routine, but when she checked the container of sherbet, she noticed a fingerprint in the orange center, a visibly distinct fingerprint that she had NOT placed there. Jessica called for Roger, assuming he had returned home during her short absence, but no one answered, so she ignored the strange orange print and continued getting ready for the glamorous evening; while her face and hair soaked up the orange goo she opened the vanity drawer and removed a hand-carved wooden jewelry box, the evening calling for her finest, the emerald and diamond necklace with matching earrings sure to complement her gown and keep eyes on her all evening; when she unlocked the box and opened the lid she gasped -- the necklace and earrings were gone! Six months after that distressing night, long after the Acme Insurance Company had paid Jessica $1.3 million for the missing jewels, detective Eddie Valiant charged the short, dark-haired grocery store clerk with the theft, for the man's right index finger appeared to match Jessica's description of the strange print in the orange sherbet, and he also conveniently lived across the street from the Rabbits and had taken an interest in the sexy redhead, sometimes slipping her a note at the checkout counter with intimate details of what he'd like to do with her and that orange sherbet, one evening appearing on her doorstep with a single red rose in his teeth, the lady of the house inviting him inside for a drink, for her honey bunny was out of town on business and she just couldn't be alone all evening. The trial went quickly, presided over by Judge Doom, Jessica and Roger Rabbit sitting quietly in the front row of the courtroom near the jury box, their stoic composure in great contrast to the Toon Town grocery store clerk, who screamed and waved his fist repeatedly, insisting he'd been framed and that he, too, was standing in the street with the neighbors on the night of July 18th waiting for the ambulance after the car crash and that he could NOT have entered the Rabbit residence and stolen the jewels; the prosecutor, however, suggested his visit with Jessica when her husband was out of town on business provided him an opportunity to commit the crime; Jessica squirmed when the allegation was made, for she had not told Roger of her indiscretion, although it was well known she was a big flirt around Toon Town. The jury deliberation lasted less than an hour, everyone filing back into the courtroom, the whispers growing louder until Judge Doom pounded his gavel to restore order; the verdict -- guilty, the crowd clapping, cheering, but when Jessica Rabbit suddenly stood and turned to them, her hands high in the air and then asked everyone to hush, the courtroom fell silent; the tall, voluptuous, red-headed vixen, blushing and upset, said she had a confession to make -- she had taken the jewels from the box and sold them to the other femme fatale, Betty Boop, who worked in the adjacent studio lot, and then collected the $1.3 million insurance pay-off; Roger Rabbit shrieked, "I just don't believe it; I won't believe it; I can't believe it; I shan't believe it;" Jessica turned to him with tears, "Roger, darling, I want you to know I love you; I've loved you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit;" three days later, while fellow inmates at the State Penn pointed to the famous Toon, Jessica shuffled along the cafeteria line, the sight, smell and texture of the orange sherbet dessert on her dinner tray prompting her to place small dabs on invisible crow's feet; finally, when an older woman behind the serving counter questioned Jessica, she turned her head, slowly brushed a thick lock of shiny red hair from her face, pulled her shoulders back and sighed, offering only one explanation for her crime: "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

6S - C2

Diane Brady participated in the first two "Six Choices," selecting Chocolate and Jessica Tandy -- but that's another story...